Being queen … no one told me how hard it actually was. How many ways my time and attention would be scattered. Not only did I have to make decisions that affected all of my people, I had to anticipate things going wrong and make sure they never happened. Easy, right?
I was making my people proud in one way, a way I wished was not part of my life. Word of my taking a mate had gotten around and shifters everywhere were rejoicing. I had exhaustingly gone over the many possible candidates with Calista and narrowed my choice down to three men. They would all be flying out for the festival. Over the next month they would stay in the city so I could take turns getting to know them. I should be excited, I should be thrilled, but I wasn’t. I was depressed. It felt like I was living a lie. One of the men, a very handsome and successful dominant from London had called me on the phone last night. He was polite and had a good sense of humor, making me laugh several times, but … there were no growly undertones to his voice to clench my belly and send the butterflies fluttering. He wasn’t Kade. I shook my head to clear those thoughts when a knock came at my personal door.
“Come in!” My costume seamstresses were right on time. They peeked their heads into my sitting room before wheeling in a large cart with a huge dress lying on top. It was covered in white silk so I couldn’t see the details. They had been over two times in the past week for fittings, but Jenny, the stocky golden-haired one, and Christy, the strawberry blonde, would never let me see the complete finished product. The pair were fun and lively, and we’d become friends in the past few visits, but no amount of friendship or cajoling had convinced them to show me the dress in any of the fittings. They’d even gone as far as to blindfold me.
They couldn’t hold out any longer though. Today was the day.
“Oh, come on, girls. It’s the day of the summer festival. Let me see it!” I pointed to the white silk.
Jenny shook her finger. “Not yet, Your Majesty. Let us put it on you and then you can look.”
I groaned but obliged. Not only did they make me wait until they put it on, but I also had to wait for my full hair and makeup to be done. “Come on, it’s been an hour. Let me see,” I begged as my makeup artist sprinkled some glitter in my hair. It wasn’t the summer festival if you weren’t covered in glitter.
“Okay, Your Highness, you can look now.”
I had no idea why I was so excited. Going crazy over clothes was not my normal personality, but there was a magic to the summer festival. It had always been my favorite time of the year.
Spinning around, my breath caught in my throat as I took a second to stare at my reflection in the full-length mirror. The upper bodice of the corset was a soft baby pink, laced so tight my breasts were pushed up high into my neck, but because I was naturally small breasted it didn’t look slutty – just made my B’s look like C’s. The gown then fell out into a large bell shape from there and slowly went from light pink to a deep teal that matched my eyes. As if this weren’t breathtaking enough, I was wearing teal glittering wings, and a mask of shimmering pink had been painted around my eyes, and streaks of my hair were coated in teal glitter.
I was a faerie – ironic, really, considering the war we were fighting, and the information Baladar had spilled about the origin of shifters – but there was no denying that Jenny and Christy had done an amazing job. I couldn’t have chosen better if I’d tried.
“You’re breathtaking,” said Calista from the door, and I turned to meet her gaze. I felt my body relax, and realized I was no longer angry with her. After reprimanding her for talking about my potential mates in front of the king, things had been a bit awkward between us, but seeing her now, her pride as she gazed at me, I put it all to rest.
I turned to my two costume designers. “Thank you.”
They both curtsied. “We will see you tonight, Your Highness,” Christy said as they left with the hair and makeup artists. Then it was just me and Calista. I finally noticed her festival outfit. I had to smile at how amazing she looked in her deep purple mermaid silk gown. She had a fake tail across the bottom of her dress, and shells woven into her hair.
“You look fantastic, Cal,” I said, knowing she’d probably let Winnie choose her costume for her.
She caught me off-guard then when she crossed the room and scooped my hand into hers. What had brought on this sudden break in protocol and show of affection?
She leaned into me. “You’re happy, right, Ari?” I startled when I noticed that her eyes were dancing with tears. Where was this seriousness coming from?
She was just standing there, waiting for my answer, so I thought about her question. Really thought about it. Generally, I’d just answer with an affirmative. Most people didn’t ask that sort of question really wanting to know the answer. It was a throwaway, an attempt to show that you cared without actually having to care. But I knew Calista wasn’t careless with words like that, despite some questionable actions of late. She genuinely wanted to know.
Was I happy?
I was the queen of the wolf shifters, about to be honored at one of the greatest festivals we had, and afterwards I was going to fix the mecca and save everything. All happy things. All things I’d strived for my entire life, successes I could count as my own. But was I happy? A deep part of me shouted “No!” There was a hole inside of me that I feared could never be filled. If I were to fill it, my kingdom would fall into chaos.
I didn’t want to lie to Calista, so I said: “No, but I hope I can be someday.” Then I squeezed her hand and fled from the room before I could cry. This was the summer festival and I would not ruin it with my sorrow.