If they didn’t, she’d be dead.
But she had to believe that everything would be fine, because giving in to the fear of what if wasn’t going to help. Hugh had lived with that fear for centuries. It wouldn’t do for her to be the one to suddenly back out after he’d finally come around.
“You all right?”
She jumped, her heart thumping. Hugh stood in the basement doorway. “You scared me. You’re so quiet!”
“Sorry.” He closed the door.
“Will I be that quiet too?”
He nodded and came to sit beside her. “Yes. And faster and stronger. Your senses will sharpen unbelievably. The first week or so will be the biggest adjustment, but it will be enjoyable. You’ll feel like you’re experiencing the world for the first time.”
“Does the sharpening of senses include the taste buds?”
He smiled. “Yes. It’s one of the reasons the house is stocked with the best groceries money can buy.”
“I’ve noticed. I appreciated the Belgian baking chocolate I found in the cupboard. That’s all gone, by the way.”
He tipped his head toward the cake. “If that’s what you turned it into, it sounds like a fair trade.”
“The cake needs to cool, and I still need to make whipped cream to top it, so keep your hands to yourself.”
A serious light filled his eyes. “If you don’t want to start this process tonight, we can wait as long as it takes for you to feel ready.”
“I’m not stalling.” Not much anyway. “I just needed to bake something. Helps me think. Anyway, I’m committed to this. To you.” She smiled. “To us.”
He took her hand. “I could just turn you into a rook, you know. You’d have almost all the benefits of being a vampire—”
“Except there’d be no chance for babies, would there?”
He hesitated. “How do you know that?”
“Your grandmother.”
He sighed. “She’s relentless.”
“Hugh, I want children. I always have. If you don’t—”
“It’s not that. It’s just…” He didn’t finish, his words replaced by a look of pain.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.” He smiled thinly. “With Stanhill out, we have the house to ourselves.” He kissed the inside of her wrist. “We could do anything.”
“Anything, hmm?”
His mouth trailed toward her elbow, tickling her with pleasure. “Whatever your heart desires.”
“If there’s a chance I might die in three days, I—”
“Don’t say that.” He let go of her hand and pushed to his feet. He paced stiffly toward the other side of the kitchen. “Maybe I can’t do this after all. I can’t lose you, Delaney. I can’t.”
She got up and went after him. “You’re not going to. I thought you were okay with this. You said you were getting magical help from this woman in town. It’s all going to be fine, you’ll see.”
He turned and leaned against the counter, his hands on the granite as he faced her. “You don’t understand. Death follows me.” His mouth twisted with pain, and his gaze held a longing that made her heart ache.
She stood in front of him, hands on his arms. “What are you talking about? Hugh, please tell me. We said no secrets.”
He was quiet for a few long moments, and she let him be. He dropped his gaze when he finally spoke. “Within the first year we were married, Juliette got pregnant. She miscarried, but got pregnant again rather quickly.” Hugh shook his head at the memory, his words edged with pain. “The second child was stillborn.”
“I’m so sorry.” No wonder he’d been struggling with this decision so much. He thought death was all he had to offer her. “But what’s past is past.”
“And I want to leave it there. But…” He raised his head, eyes glazed in darkness. “Death is my legacy. Why should a little fae magic change that?” He broke free of her embrace and walked a few steps away. “I cannot do this.”
“Hugh, you’re blaming yourself for what happened, but Juliette had as much of a part in it as you did. I’m sorry if it hurts you to hear this, but those deaths could have had everything to do with Juliette and nothing to do with you.”
He just shook his head. “I helped make those children. And I’m the reason she turned.”
She grabbed his arm. “Enough. I am not going to let another woman and the chance of what might happen stand between me and an eternity of happiness with you.”
“Delaney—”
“No, Hugh. It’s decided. We’re not discussing it anymore. You’re turning me into a vampire, and we’re getting married and living a happy, sun-free life. Do you hear me?”
His expression went from pained to curious. “You’re not frightened by what I’ve told you? Not scared that you could be the next to succumb to whatever curse is attached to me?”
“There’s no curse attached to you. But yes, I’m scared. I’m human. I didn’t even know vampires existed until a week ago, and now I’m about to become one. Who wouldn’t be scared? But I’m not going to let that fear make decisions for me.”
His mouth bent into something close to a smile. “You never fail to amaze me.” He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. “You never fail to make me fall deeper in love with you. You’re right. We cannot let fear dictate how we live.”