“No, you most definitely are not.” He sighed, defeated. But he couldn’t get his feet to move.
“There’s something else bothering you, isn’t there?”
He narrowed his eyes. “I suppose there is. I can’t help but think you’ll see me differently after this. It’s something akin to having the wizard’s curtain drawn back.”
She shook her head. “What I feel for you can’t be changed that easily.”
“That’s reassuring.” But they’d see about that soon. Knowing a truth and seeing it demonstrated were two very different things. “Downstairs we go, then.”
He led her to the basement door and unlocked it, then stopped on the first tread. “I’ll lead. I know where the light switches are.”
She followed him down into the dark, her steps careful but never hesitant. She was as brave as she was beautiful.
That didn’t mean he was free of misgivings, but he was too besotted not to indulge her. He flicked on the light. “Welcome to my sanctum sanctorum.”
She looked around, nodding slowly. “This is very cool. Your grandmother said she isn’t allowed down here and has no idea what you do in this place.” She gestured at the tables full of equipment and the tall cabinets stacked with supplies. “What is all this?”
“My lab.” He stood between the two main work tables.
“So what kind of stuff do you work on in here?”
“I…” And then he realized he had one secret left to confess. “It’s occurred to me that I haven’t told you the whole truth.”
A tentative look crossed her face. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“It’s nothing bad, I swear.” He pulled the amulet from beneath his shirt. “This is how Didi persuaded me to agree to Annabelle’s visit. I have enough money that the loss of any inheritance makes no difference.”
She came to stand beside him, staring at the amulet. “What is it?”
“Our most secret of secrets. No one outside my family knows it.”
She stopped, her eyes widening. “Are you sure you want to tell me?”
“You said yourself there can be no secrets between us if we have any chance of making things work.” He held up the amulet. “This is what allows me to walk in the sun. Without it, the sun would kill me. The magic that powers this was created by Alice Bishop, my grandmother’s companion. In thanks for saving her life, she found a way to protect ours.”
Her mouth rounded. “Really?” Her gaze went from the amulet to him then back again. “That’s why your grandmother wears one too.”
He nodded. “As well as both my brothers.”
“But not Stanhill?”
“No, as a rook, it’s not required.”
Her fingers brushed the amulet, then she wrapped her arms around her torso and leaned back against one of the work tables. “Why are you telling me this? That’s a pretty big thing to reveal to someone you’ve only known a short time.”
“Because I love you.” What was the point in pretending otherwise? “And I don’t want anything between us.”
“You…love me?” She paled, looking very fragile and human in that moment.
“Yes.” He put his hands on her arms and drew her in, holding her loosely against him. “Does that frighten you?”
Her response came in a breathy whisper. “No.”
“Good. Because I am utterly lost in you, Delaney. I know it’s only been a few days, but I cannot imagine myself with another woman. You’re my last thought of the day and my first thought when I awake.”
Her chest rose and fell with her breaths. “What about not wanting to be married? About not being over Juliette?”
He bent his forehead to hers, needing to connect himself to her as much as possible. “What I’m not over is the guilt of her death. I may never be over that. Losing her devastated me and my fear at feeling that kind of pain again has kept me from loving anyone else.” He smiled, his memories of Juliette more sweet than bitter. “She would be angry at me for not giving another woman a chance. But then, she’s not the one who’s had to bear the burden of her death.
He sighed. “You know, we married out of a sense of duty. It was expected of us, but I know if given the chance she would have married another.”
“Did she love you?”
He turned away. “She was a good wife.” That’s all he could say. Because the real answer hurt too much.
“That’s really why you feel so guilty, isn’t it? Because she chose to be turned out of duty to you, not because she loved you.”
He nodded, seeing only the lab before him. “Her entire life was sacrificed upon the altar of Lord Ellingham.”
“But she could have died from the plague. It was her choice to be turned.”
He laughed brusquely. “I wish that were true.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was her lord and husband.” He shook his head. “It was a very different time. Women had less say in things. And I was a man trying very hard to overcome my place in the world as my father’s second son. I’m not sure you would have liked me then.”
“Maybe not, but…but I love you now.”
Her words were a whisper, but they rang through him like the peal of church bells. He twisted to see her face. “You do?”