“Yeah. That’ll be great.” He nodded. “I had fun tonight.”
I smiled back at him, hoping I wasn’t beaming too much. “Me too.”
Before he could say any more, I turned and ran back toward the circus tent. When I was certain that I was far enough away that he couldn’t see me, I darted between the booths and headed back toward the campsite.
11. temperance
The midway and the rides stayed open until midnight, but the shows stopped at eleven. The carnival was really divided into two parts—the rides and games that a person would find at the fair, run by Doug, and the sideshow and acts that someone would find at a circus, run by Gideon.
Though Gideon had the final word on everything, the midway and the sideshow really worked as two separate autonomous entities. We even kept our camps separately. Those of us who worked in the sideshow kept our motorhomes parked in an oblong, and during the day, we’d often gather together for meals.
Doug had his own carnies and gophers who ran all the games and the rides, but the sideshow only had Hutch and me. Hutch technically ran the museum, but that didn’t keep him too busy, so he ended up helping out with odd jobs a lot.
After Gabe left, I spent the rest of the night trying to avoid the fairgrounds, since I didn’t want to bump into him or his family again. I cleaned up around the camp, helped Gideon out with some of his bookkeeping, and prepped a meal for when the carnival closed. Most people returned from work with a huge appetite, so we usually ate the biggest meal of the day around midnight.
My mom returned a little before eleven. I was outside, cooking up potatoes in tinfoil on the grill, and she walked right past me without saying a word, hurrying into our Winnebago with her shawl pulled tightly around her.
“Mom?” I called after her, but she didn’t answer.
She’d finished up early, and she’d ignored me. Both of those were bad signs, so I moved the food off the grill, then went into the trailer to check on her.
“I don’t need you,” Mom snapped as soon as I came inside.
Hunched over the kitchen sink, the lines in her face looked more prominent than normal. Her hands gripped the end of the counter with such intensity that her knuckles had turned white.
“Why don’t you go lie down?” I suggested gently. “I could put on music for you and turn it down low.”
“That won’t help, Mara!” Mom shouted. “Nothing will make this damn headache go away, so why don’t you just go run along and do whatever the hell it was that you were doing before I came back and ruined your night?”
“Mom.” I sighed.
My mother was an animated and passionate person, but she didn’t usually yell at me like this. The readings did this to her, draining her energy, hurting her mind. Not all the time, but more and more, nights were ending like this.
“I was just making food outside. Did you want me to get anything for you?” I asked.
“I already told you no!”
A half-empty glass of water was sitting on the counter next to her, and she grabbed it and suddenly hurled it at me. I ducked out of the way just in time, and it smashed into the wall behind me.
“Mom!” I yelled. “You can’t just throw a glass at me!”
“I don’t know, Mara!” She waved her hands wildly as she spoke, and her eyes were frantic. “What can I do? I can’t do anything! And I don’t even know where Blossom is! I can’t help anyone!”
“I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t helping,” I told her as calmly and reasonably as I could. “You need to find a better way of coping. You can’t keep acting like this every time you have a bad night.”
The door creaked open behind me, and Gideon leaned in. “Is everything okay in here?”
“Everything’s great! Nothing’s fine!” Mom shouted, and then laughed, as if to punctuate her schizophrenic statement.
I could only turn back and look at him. I didn’t say anything to Gideon—not just because my mom was right there, but because if I tried to speak, I’d cry. Helplessly, I shook my head and pressed my lips together to keep the tears from spilling over.
“Go on, love,” Gideon said softly, his British accent warming his words. “I’ll calm her down.”
“Where are all my tapes, Mara?” Mom demanded.
A stack of cassette tapes had been sitting on the counter. They’d fallen out of cupboards yesterday when we’d been driving into Caudry, and I just hadn’t put them all back yet. But now, in a fit of rage, Mom swung her arm out, knocking them all to the floor.
“Lyanka.” Gideon pushed past me and walked toward her. “You need to stop.”
“No. Why do you all think you can tell me what to do? Did Blossom hide all my tapes?” Mom asked him, her voice trembling.
“This isn’t about her.” He rubbed the back of his neck, then he turned back to me. “Why don’t you find somewhere else to sleep, all right? I’ll take care of her, but it might be a long night.”
I nodded, then rushed out the door just as my mother began swearing at him. She continued shouting for a while after I left, and it traveled through the thin walls of the motorhome. But eventually Gideon put on music, and that either drowned out the sound of her yelling or calmed her.
People started arriving back at the campsite shortly after that, and we all ate together around picnic tables underneath a couple strings of white Christmas lights. When we finished, I opted to head over to the trailer that Luka, Seth, and Hutch shared, and Roxie decided to tag along.