Fine with Kiera, she didn’t fit into them anymore.
She curled up her legging-clad knees under her baggy sweater and faced Beast, then wrapped her arms around herself to stay warm.
“I never wished I was like Dustin before,” he said, shredding a napkin on the table. When he cast her a quick glance, his frown was deep. “But tonight I kind of did.”
“Why?”
“Emma used to be human. Recently, actually. He’s good at touching her. She smiles when he does it right. I can tell she feels safe with him. You still smell nervous, maybe even a little scared sometimes.”
“That’s not because of you. That’s because of stuff going on in my head.”
“What stuff?”
“Leaving.” She fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of her sweater and shrugged. “Staying. It’s scary either way.”
Beast inhaled deeply. “I understand that. I haven’t registered to the crew yet. I have the paperwork all filled out, but I can’t bring myself to take them to the courthouse. Kane’s getting upset. Demoting me. Relying on Logan more. He’ll boot me out of the running for Third in the crew soon.”
“Do you want Third?”
He huffed a humorless sound. “I was alpha of a big pride for a decade, Kiera. What do you think?”
“That you wouldn’t do well at the bottom of a crew.”
He shook his head slowly.
“Well,” she murmured, hugging his big bicep and resting her cheek against his strength. “Why don’t you go to the courthouse and secure your spot under the dragons?”
He swallowed audibly and relaxed under her embrace. He leaned closer and rubbed his whiskered cheek against the top of her head. She smiled because her mother used to do that. It was a quick sign of affection for lions. She wondered if Beast even realized he’d done it.
“I’m scared of getting close to them.”
“To the D-Team?”
He gave a single nod.
“Because you lost your pride?” she asked, her throat tightening over the words.
“I thought I would be safe in this crew. I thought they wouldn’t touch me, wouldn’t make me feel. It wasn’t a pride, no lions, so I thought I would just hide out here in Kane’s Mountains for the rest of my days. Wait to die, you know?”
“Yeah.” She hugged him tighter. “I know that feeling.”
“It was a bachelor group that did it. Not me.” Beast wouldn’t meet her gaze, but she could see the gold color from here. “It was twelve on one. They wanted the pride. These bachelors, though…” Beast gritted his teeth. “They would destroy it from the inside out, and my females fought back, fought beside me. I wanted them to run, so they could live, but they wouldn’t leave me. They died trying to keep me king.”
“Oh, my gosh,” she whispered. “But…why? Bachelor groups aren’t allowed to make moves like that.”
“They felt justified.”
“Why?” she asked, sitting up straight.
Beast angled his head toward her, and his eyes were ancient as he murmured, “Because I didn’t make cubs. Couldn’t do it. Tried for a decade.” He ran his hands down his scruff and sighed as he stared at the dark woods beyond the trailer park. “And I wanted them so fucking bad, Kiera. Wanted to raise them good, like Callum raised me. I wanted to give my females the families they wanted. I wanted to make them happy.” He eased out of her grip, slid his hands over his short hair, and stayed like that, head angled down, hiding his face from her. “Do you know about the council?”
The lion council? Yes, they were ruthless assholes who had their hand in all affairs to do with lion shifters. Nosy, dominant males who liked to make up rules. They’d been relentless in pressuring her mom to pick a pride. “Yes,” she whispered. “I know them.”
“Well, they started putting pressure on me to have cubs, like I wasn’t trying hard enough, and I could see it. There was unrest with our people because I had this huge pride, but no offspring. Other males thought they could do better. I treated my females well, though, and nobody asked them if they wanted a power-shift. We were all still trying. I didn’t know, but there was a coup going on behind my back. I should’ve seen it coming. I couldn’t do the one fucking thing I was supposed to do and couldn’t hold the pride forever. It happened in the night. I tried to save them, but it was a fucking massacre, and I was left for dead. God, I wanted to die. I was lying there with them.” Beast buried his face deeper into his arms, cradled the back of his head. “I couldn’t move, I was so bad off, just…waiting to go, listening to silence. No heartbeats, no breathing.” His shoulders jerked once like he’d been hit in the stomach, and a long, heartbroken snarl purged from his body.
Kiera rubbed his back in circles and forced her crying to stay silent because this was his moment, not hers. “What happened to the bachelors?”
He inhaled sharply. “Four got away. I hunted them as soon as I was recovered enough. I killed three. I’m still hunting the fourth. He’s the one who started the rumors, and the council backed him up. They spread them through our people, and I just…let it happen. No one wanted to be around a rumored murderer after that, and I’d shut down from people completely, so win-win. They left me alone, and I left them alone. I waited for the council to kill me, but they never came. Even when I killed the three bachelors. I thought avenging my pride would fix me. I prayed vengeance would fix me.” But it didn’t. He didn’t have to say that last part. It was there in the emotion in his voice. “Logan came here to have Kane put him down.” Beast rolled his face toward her, and he looked so tired. “I came for the same reason. As soon as I finish the fourth bachelor, I plan to ask Kane for an honorable death.”