“You know me better than that.” Lyall stilled and waited.
Channing lost his ire under Beta calm – imperceptible waves of patience that were also sublime strength. What was I thinking? I know Lyall to be a man of principle. More so than I am, that’s for certain. Also, I cannot take this Beta in a fight.
When Channing shifted, he lost himself. He was all wolf instinct and violence. Oh, he was very strong, but he was also crazed. He forgot his human side to baser lusts. It was one of the reasons he could never be a loner. He might act the part, aloof and solitary, but he needed pack more than most.
Channing tilted his head back at Lyall, baring his throat.
“You will fix this thing that eats away at you, Channing,” ordered Professor Lyall.
“It may not be up to me.” The Brophys’ ball was a positive squeeze, being both too popular and too packed, so that Faith wished she were anywhere but there. It was exhausting just trying to make one’s way through the door.
She searched the gathering, trailing behind Teddy’s determined push, from room to room. She could admit to herself that she was hunting for a blond head that stood a little higher than most others.
Teddy paused at the door to the music room. “I do declare, what a crush! Really, what possessed them to invite so many to a house decidedly insufficient to contain the number?”
“Teddy! They’ll hear you.”
“No one can hear anything in this noise. And how am I to find Mr Rafterwit in such a press? He said he would be here. He was going to tell me all about breeding stock.”
“Teddy! Are you sure that’s appropriate conversation for polite company?”
“Oh, Faith, don’t be silly. His horse breeding stock, dear. Oh, you are droll! I imagine if I’m very lucky, I will be his breeding stock, so to speak, after our wedding and such.”
“Teddy, really. Stop it.”
Teddy grinned. “I’m quite looking forward to it. Oh, I know I shouldn’t say such things, but there you have it. I think Barnaby is most awfully, well, awfully.”
“It could be disappointing.” Faith tried to put experience into her tone without actually sounding too experienced.
“Yes, but if that’s the case, we won’t have to do it too often, and Faith, you should see his horses! Oh, look, there he is!” Teddy waved madly at Mr Rafterwit; the poor man nodded shyly back.
Teddy charged across the room towards him.
Faith would have followed except she found herself neatly pulled aside by a firm, cool hand on her arm.
“Did you want that first dance now, Lazuli?”
“Major Channing, how nice to see you again so soon.”
“Is it? Funny, but I think you actually mean that. You know, you are likely the only person in all of London who is ever happy to see me.”
That made her sad, but she hid it with a soft smile.
He led her onto the floor, and then when the dance was done, he blatantly flouted the custom of relinquishing her arm to her next partner. Faith should not have been surprised; he had flouted the customary rules of conversation for weeks on end. Why should the rules of dancing be any different?
Instead of leading her back to her chaperone – where was Mrs Iftercast, anyway? Really, she was a tad bit forgetful and lax about her duties. (Not that Faith or Teddy minded the freedom this afforded them.) Instead of taking her respectably to the edge of the dance floor, where Faith’s next admirer eagerly waited, Channing didn’t even ask if she had one. And instead of offering to retrieve her punch or comestibles while she sat to catch her breath, Channing took her hand firmly and led her out of the ballroom and into the garden, where all was quiet and peaceful and they were alone.
Which was, of course, quite dangerous. But Faith found she could not be frightened and she did not care.
Channing dropped her hand and they walked together, silent and not touching, along an herbaceous border and across a manicured lawn into a copse of trees, ill tended and shrouded in shadows, at the very far end of the garden.
The perfect place, thought Faith, for an assignation.
Still, she found she did not care. She should have, for she knew better than most the risks a young lady took with a gentleman alone.
Then he said, “I know about the claviger. Your claviger.”
And Faith’s world shattered.
Channing heard her breath catch.
Her voice trembled only a little when she spoke. “He wasn’t mine, not really. Never was and never would be. He belonged to the werewolves, and that, as it turned out, was all that counted.”
“He made you feel as though he were yours, though, didn’t he?”
“For a bit. Or maybe I just wanted the experience too much. Some moment of excitement. Some point in time where I was wanted without question. Maybe that’s why I’m here with you now. Have you considered that?’
She was attacking, like a trapped animal, fierce and defensive.
Channing had decided to tell her he knew because he’d found out her secret and it wasn’t his to keep. He hadn’t been charged with this one, and he did not need another secret to burden his daylight sleep. He also wanted her to know that this was no grave thing, not to him. He needed her to know that. He would not judge and he would not reject her. He wasn’t like them. He was a cad, but not in that way.
So, he phrased it the way he saw it. “He ruined you for his own amusement and showed you no mercy.”
Faith had turned away and was looking back towards the house, through the trees and across the empty garden. “He did it because my father is an ass. And, frankly, my father is in fact an ass. I just never guessed his choices would burden me. I believe that the werewolves didn’t mean to hurt me, not really. Frankly, I doubt they thought of me at all. They wanted to humiliate my parents. I was just collateral.”
“Is that why you want to marry a werewolf? For revenge?” The sweet, intoxicating scent of her teased him with possibilities.
“No one else will have me, not if they find out,” she said. “It’s known that werewolves prefer a seasoned woman. Why else always go after widows?”
Channing laughed. “While it is true that purity is not valued by my compatriots, that is not why werewolves so often pursue widows.”
Faith nodded. “You cannot have children, so you don’t want to steal the opportunity away from a girl. And are you…” She paused, swallowing hard.
Despite himself, Channing found his eyes drawn to her beautiful white neck.
He wanted to lick it.
“Are you like your compatriots in this matter?”
He’d lost the thread of the conversation. “What?” he barked, sounding annoyed and trying not to.
“Do you value purity?”
“God’s teeth, no. What right have I to that? I’m nothing if not impure myself. Why should I demand anything different in a lover? I mentioned my learning of your indiscretion not as a critique, Lazuli, but only so that you might know that I know. Between us, there is no need for secrecy in this matter.”
“There’s more.” She trembled a little.
“And you may tell me if you wish, and I will listen and not judge, because who am I to judge? But only if you wish it, Lazuli.”
“Not yet. That part hurts.”
He hid a wince.
She sipped a small breath and soldiered on. “The other, well… I was willing, to my eternal shame, as Mother says. Frankly, it was just embarrassing, both during and after.”
“It?” He pressed for particulars and wanted to kill that unnamed claviger – for his failures, for her disappointment, for touching her at all.
She was brave in her confession. “Not exactly what I expected. What I had hoped.”
“You knew to hope for something? How advanced was your education beforehand?” He was surprised, not critical. Americans were a strange lot.
But she took it as censure. “I’m perfectly able to read, Major! It’s amazing what you can find in bookstores these days. Boston is a very cosmopolitan city. Frankly, now that it’s all over, I’ve no clue what all the fuss is about.”
“Now that, my Lazuli, I can show you.”
Faith wasn’t trying to be tempting or coy.